We’ve heard this word.. we use this word.. but what is a fuckboy?
To me a fuckboy does not refer to either male or female or anyone in between.
A fuckboy could be a female, trust me! It’s the mentality.
Anyway.. if you don’t know a fuckboy, you probably are one and you should stop reading before you get offended.
Now let’s get some popular opinions of what people think a fuckboy is:
A man who is inconsistent, manipulates the feelings a woman has for him for his personal gain.
Someone who shows up outside your apartment to say he loves/misses you, every time he thinks you might be moving on. Knows exactly which buttons to push. Won’t commit but doesn’t want you with anyone else.
A man that never grows up, who lies on his dick, manipulates situations and stories just to fuck any woman he preys on, no remorse for his actions and no attachment (usually married or in a “serious” relationship).
A fella who only down for sex and could use you.
Reaches in your DMs/Whatsapp, real speed talk (emotions, being together, giving your emotions the good ol’ dangle) then radio silence for a while, before they show up and try to do it again.
A guy who cheats on girls a lot, thinks he dresses well but his pants are actually too tight and also has that haircut with the sides cut low.
Someone who says the right things and is all sweet to you but not willing to commit and doesn’t do the public outings. He will introduce you to his friends and say it’s his besties and they will be all nice but reserved. You’ll never meet upper family like parents and aunts and grandparents. He will also be the sweetest and always seem to have time for you or call you back. He gets offended if you accuse him of anything. He likes to say he needs time because you special and he doesn’t want to move too fast to ruin it. He will call you baby and other generic but sweet names making you feel like you special but to be fair it’s so he doesn’t mix up your name.
Anybody else have lightbulbs going off in their head? Or a picture of a certain someone flashing in front your face? Yeah.. me either.
Let me be honest with y’all, cause really that’s the whole point of this. I know many fuckboys, I am friends with fuckboys, I have dated fuckboys, hell I was even a fuckboy myself.
Now what do I think a fuckboy is? I think it’s someone who is using and manipulating another person for their own selfish reasons. This person will likely play the victim in many situations and will project their own wrongdoings on to you and accuse you of things that they themselves are guilty of doing. They will never fully commit and make you feel crazy for ‘asking too much’. When asked about their current relationship status they will say things like “It’s complicated, don’t worry.” They will vanish abruptly and tell you every excuse they could think of. They will also put the onus on you to make plans. They’ll ask “When are you free?” “Link me when you can” “When am I going to see you?”. Oh and the biggest red flag, said person will say that all their exes are crazy.
Now why do we like them? Because let’s face it we have all fallen victim to the appeal of a fuckboy….
Fuckboys tend to be men who portray confidence in everything they do. They have this air about them that makes them seem unattainable to you (even though you could probably name at least 5 people that they’ve slept with). Hey I’m not judging!! You feel like maybe just maybe you could be the person who changes that. And they sell the dream that you CAN be that person. But of course when you do everything in your power to be what they want and more, your efforts go unappreciated and then you wonder why they won’t commit. Or rather, in the way that you want them to. Hunny, it’s not in their DNA. They want to have someone there, without giving up their independence. Their confidence comes from their ‘ability’ to make you go from wanting them to needing them. They will do this by any means necessary, even if they have to tear up your self-esteem to make that happen. RUN FAM RUN!!!!!
Fuckboys have pride in themselves. They will be well dressed (although my idea of well dressed might not be your idea of well dressed, but that’s none of my business). They will have good personal hygiene and smell good… the smell.. so.. friggin… delicious…..
Where was I? Oh right. YES. They will be looking GOOD, note I said looking good not good looking. LOL But if you think some put together guy makes up for everything else that he does NOT have going for him, like a half decent personality, please go see a therapist. Seriously, I know tons.
Fuckboys will treat you right. Wait did you read that correctly? You did. And yes fuckboys will treat you right in the beginning. They will do all the right things… cute messages, sex, sleepovers, you name it, they will do it. You know why? Hook, line and sinker.
But… and this is a big but.. whyyy do we as confident people fall for this?
Honestly, I think some of it is our fault. Don’t stop reading y’all, hear me out!
We expect nothing. In this day and age, social media, casual sex, heartbreak, drugs and alcohol.. we do not expect someone we find appealing to give us the time of day. And we set our expectations so low that we crave almost any attention that comes our way. Why? We all struggle with insecurities. Whether it’s something you struggled with your whole life, or you’re reeling from a bad break-up, it’s in our nature to like comfort. I get that..I really do. But bear in mind, there are up sides to dating a fuckboy.
You will know EXACTLY what you’re willing to settle for, and what you aren’t. You can learn to recognize the signs of a toxic person, and hopefully stay far away. You will learn the harsh lesson that you could be the most perfect person in the world and someone could still not want you, and that it is NOT a reflection of you.
Learn to love yourself first and you are much less likely to fall prey to a fuckboy. Know that you deserve better and never settle for less than what you deserve. Remember, you have to learn to be ok with letting go those who are ok with letting you go.
With this in mind, go brave peeps.
And remember, do as I say, NOT as I do!